Buzz Killer

This is the conversation I overheard in the car yesterday:

Toby (age 4): "When I grow up I'm going to jump in puddles anytime I want to!"
Sam (age 7): "When you grow up you won't want to jump in puddles."
Toby: "Yes I will!"
Sam: "When you grow up you'll be so busy you won't have time to jump in puddles even if you want to."

What am I teaching my children??

My husband and I work hard so we can provide our children with a relatively carefree childhood...or so we thought.

Sam is our oldest and he is a typical oldest child. He is a pleaser and he's very precise and hard on himself. He follows the rules and expects everyone else to do the same. While he can be very goofy, he can also be very serious, so much so that at times I have to tell him to lighten up. He's a lot like me, I am also an oldest child.

After overhearing this conversation I resolved to try and show him the lighter side of adulthood. True, I no longer want to jump in puddles, but I do have fun and I want him to see that.

Then came this morning when I found myself snapping at him to come when I called him so I could give him hugs and kisses before I left for work.

????

I was yelling at my child so I could give him a hug and a kiss. What kind of sense does this make? I guess I need to lighten up myself before I can get him to lighten up. That minute he took to dawdle on his way to say goodbye wasn't going to make me late. I was just already so anxious about being late I couldn't let it go.

Mornings are tough. I didn't get up late, I just had a lot to do and I ended up a little squeezed for time. In the end I made it to work in plenty of time and now am stuck with the guilt of robbing the pleasantness from the morning. I wish I had just left when we were all watching the astronauts enter the space shuttle while parked on my bed and I finished feeding the baby. But I didn't.

I'm not raising my kids in an idealized world. They know bad things happen. Any illusions that this world was perfect were shattered when their beloved Uncle died. Still, I want them to be kids and experience the joy of childhood. I don't want them to worry about my stress and I don't want them to think that being an adult is all stress and no joy.

Something else for me to stress about.