Rules

I am a rule follower.  This is something I have learned about myself over the years.  When I was in med school and I missed high honors on a test by 0.2 points (and yes it was graded that closely) it never even occurred to me to go to the teacher and fight for those points.  That was the grade I earned and that was that.  Later when I heard that others did fight, successfully, for better grades I felt betrayed that the teachers didn’t stand by their grades and dumb for not fighting it myself.

I believe that rules are important and that they should be followed.  I don’t park in front of the preschool (where it says no parking) when I am dropping off my child.  I park in one of the designated spots, and if those aren’t available, in a spot for the general population.  I dress my children according to their school’s dress codes.  Every other child may be in crocs or flip flops, but mine will be in sneakers.  I don’t mind doing this, but I do mind when others don’t. 

Lately I have been walking at an indoor track since it’s been so incredibly hot outside.  There are rules clearly posted on the wall of the track. Runners take the outside lane, walkers take the inside lane.  Children under 12 are NOT ALLOWED unless they are in a stroller or a front carrier (capitalization taken from the sign).  Nobody, it appears, follows these rules except for me.  There are walkers on the outside and runners on the inside.  There are children running all over the place.  And it burns me up.  Why do I care so much?  I guess because I feel compelled to follow the rules.  When my 7 year old asked if he could run the track I showed him the rules and said no.  But another mother has been letting her 4 or 5 year old run and play on the track while she sits and waits.  I should mention that this track is upstairs and not all parts of it can be seen from any single vantage point.  There are 2 staircases and on at least one occasion I have had to ask her child not to go down one of them because I know she can’t see what he is doing.  Then when I get to her, halfway around the track, I tell her what he’s doing.  So now I’m her babysitter as well.

I don’t know why I feel compelled to follow the rules and others don’t.  I do know that I am teaching my children to be rule followers and I wonder if this will suit them well in the long run.  I want them to have every advantage in life, do I want them to feel free to argue for that grade, or to just buckle down and study harder for the next test?  How about both?  How do you teach children that some rules are ok to follow and some aren’t?  If I bend or break the rules sometimes, will they bend or break the rules all of the time?

Clearly there are some rules that matter more than others.  In the long run it doesn’t matter which lane you walk or run in (except to me apparently).  It does matter if you run a red light though.  It matters if you take things that aren’t yours.  It matters if you do things that could potentially harm yourself or others.  As adults we are supposed to know where that line is, but we don’t always.  So how can we expect children to?

So for good or bad, I’m teaching my children to follow the rules.  All of them.  All the time.  If they don’t agree with one, they can ask to change it but until it’s changed it needs to be followed. 

I hope this isn’t one of the many ways I’m sure I’m warping them for life.