You Can't Stop Time

In two days I’ll officially be another year older.  Another year farther from my youth and closer to old age.  Birthdays are traditionally a time for celebration and reflection.  A time to look back at what you have accomplished and to look forward to what you have yet to do.  I remember when I looked forward to my birthday.  I was younger then.

This morning in the shower I felt slow and achy and I wondered if this is what it’s like to be getting old.  Or if it was because I had gotten up two hours earlier to feed the baby and spent the interim in that no-man’s land between awake and asleep.  Or both. 

I have accomplished a lot in the past year.  Most notably, I’ve had a baby.  I’ve also continued to raise my other two children, work, write a blog that I’m hoping to turn into a book and start this blog.  I’ve nurtured relationships with my husband, my family and my friends.  I’ve lost my grandmother and continued to mourn my brother.  I’ve continued to ride this roller coaster we call life.

I feel like my preface is over.  I’ve gone to school, earned my degrees, gotten married, started my career and my family.  I’m in the less rewarding stage of just keeping it all going now.  No graduation every four years, no pat on the back for a job well done.  Just the self satisfaction of going to sleep with the dishes done, the backpacks loaded and ready for the next day, the house relatively clean.  This is real life; making it through everyday just to face the next one; hoping that eventually we’ll save up enough, early enough to enjoy our old age before the end.  Hoping that we get to old age.

Life is not without its perks.  Seeing the baby smile makes everything better.  Listening to my older children have an actual conversation is a wonder to me.  Seeing the joy on their faces as they make a joke that is actually funny, or learn something new, or lose a tooth is amazing. 

This year my birthday wish is for time.  I wish for time to spend alone with my husband.  I wish for time to just hang out with my kids, with no place to be and no homework to get done.  I wish for time to slow down so the baby stays a baby as long as he can. 

I’m not going to be rich and famous.  I’m not going to change the whole world.  But I can have great influence on my little world and I wish for the time and energy and fortitude to do so.